27 Apr

I’m a murderer.


Wait! Don’t go! I’m not a psychopath, sociopath or any other type of -path. I’m just a girl who killed my friend. Or would be. If he existed.

Eric does not exist.

This is getting complicated. Let me explain.

At school, I’m known as the Eric Murderer. This is because I went into town with my friend Izzie (I’ve changed the names to maintain some privacy, but anyone who knows me will know who I’m talking about) and she decided to dress up as a boy.  Yes, I know. (Her guy-alias was Eric, for no apparent reason)  A little before we actually arrived, I was so busy talking to Izzie-Eric that I almost got hit by a bus. A bus. One of those big, red, English ones heavy enough to smush an elephant and several types of whale. They have massive rumbly engines that shake everything on the bus itself including the windows, the chairs and the people. I stupidly ran out in front of one of these behemoths, and after a loud, annoyed horn and a very rude signal from the bus driver, I re-surfaced on the other side. “God…” I breathed, and turned around, expecting to see Izzie, panting and grinning, behind me.

No such luck.

I panicked. Obviously. Where was s(he)? I whirled around dreading what I was going to say to her parents. “Oh, yes, I’m sorry Mrs Crowe, your daughter got turned into a greasy red spot on the road this morning… oh God, please don’t shoot me.”

The big red bus rumbled past. Behind it was standing Izzie, grinning sadistically at my plight.

And needless to say, she told everyone at school.

“Oh yeah, and then  she got Eric run over by a bus.”

6 Responses to “Eric”

  1. fozziebear96 May 18, 2010 at 4:13 pm #

    eric does exist josie x

  2. fozziebear96 July 29, 2010 at 3:00 pm #


  3. virgil February 26, 2011 at 5:25 pm #

    nice to meet you murderer!hope you won’t kill me.

    • EricDoesNotExist March 7, 2011 at 1:07 am #

      Hi, Cath. Roman poet name? Interesting choice of aphorism, but I like it…


  1. Abrupt « Eric Does Not Exist - May 1, 2010

    […] now realise, after reading those words that I posted on the 27th April,  that I was abrupt. And by a little, I mean a […]

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