I Hate You 5

28 Jul

DISCLAIMER: It’s that time again. Any fans of NSN, please disregard the disgruntled criticism and enjoy the video. If you read this, I may have to eat you, before you light your torches and pick up your pitchforks.



…I love you one, a two, a three shoobee-doo
I love you four, that’s more than I can afford
And I can tell some day that I’m gunna’ say the truth
I love you five

Oh. My God.

Actually, I think I hate them 10. Earlier today, my sister Rosie played this song to me. At first, I was like: aw, sounds sweet. And then he started singing.

Now, I already– mfph, let me finish eating this ice cream. I bit the bottom of the cone off and now I have to suck it.

Yum, that was reaaaaally good… *drifts off into ice cream induced euphoria*

As I was saying, I already had a minor underlying annoyance with Never Shout Never. One of my nutter-emo-hipster friends* (okay, my only nutter-emo-hipster friend) persisted in playing the album over and over and over again, ’till Christofer Drew’s deeply annoying lyrics engraved themselves upon my cerebal cortex. (Ow, my fingers hurt. They’re stiff, they’re cold, they’re… turning blue?! Hypothermia! Oh my god!)

Okay. To show you I’m being totally fair, I’ll make a list of good points versus bad points.

The Very Few Good Things About ‘I Love you 5’

  • The lead singer? He’s… kinda cute. Kinda.
  • He looks good in the moustache.
  • The fact that the moustache is actually in the video.


The Numerous Bad Things About ‘I Love You 5’

  • The unapologetically soppy lyrics
  • The occasional doo-wop moment
  • The fact that it is practically all played on ukuleles and accordions.
  • The hat-hair. Sometimes cute (and generally that is the case), but sometimes inexcusable.


It’s probably a good idea if you listen to the song while reading this commentary. I embedded it for a reason, y’know.

Rosie: Jo, I’m going to play a song. You’re probably going to hate me.

Subject981: Okaay…

[Rosie presses the play button. Subject 981’s reactions/comments.]

0:05 Hey, there’s no sound.

0:14 [Silence. Subject scratches head in dazed manner]

0:15 [Song begins. Subject’s face contorts]

0:16 [Subject begins to scream]

0:17 [Subject begins to claw at face]

0:19 [Subject rushes from room, barricading herself out]

0:28 (from behind door) Make it STOOOOOOOOPP!

[Subject screams an wails constantly from behind door for almost two minutes]

2:13 [after brief pause in the song] (opens the door a crack) Is it done?

2:26 Rosie: Nope. (grins**)

2:29 [Subject resumes moaning/clawing/etc until 2:45]

2:26 Is it over now?

3:02 Rosie: Nope.

3:05 AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! [clutches head until all music has drained away.

[After aforementioned incident, Subject 981 forcibly removes Rosie from the computer chair with a yell of “Let me on that thing!”, then proceeds to write a highly offensive blog post on the experience.]

*Meant only in a truly complimentary manner, you understand.

** I could hear the grin in her voice from behind the door.

5 Responses to “I Hate You 5”

  1. musiclover19 July 28, 2010 at 4:16 pm #

    :O JOSIE!!!! NSN are brilliant!! i love you 5 is an amazing song!!! how could you??? bu some of it was quite funny 😛 so i forgive u 🙂

  2. musiclover19 July 29, 2010 at 2:53 pm #

    :O :O :O :O i ake back the forgivness!!! you have deeply offended NSN!! if he put it into german would u like it???

    • Josie of EricDoesNotExist July 29, 2010 at 7:05 pm #

      um. no.

      • musiclover19 October 16, 2010 at 4:07 pm #

        btw… ive been wondering…. who IS your nutter-emo-hipster friend??

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