Grovel, Grovel

12 Nov

This post is for Keely, who I mentioned a couple-a times. Mostly in conjunction with Ninja Face.

This post is a grovelly-apology post, it pains me to tell you. So, due to shockingly bow-ily, scrape-ily, forelock-tug-ily, inside-joke-packed-ily bad writing, I tell you with as much good grace as I can muster: if you’re not interested, you may Clear Orf. 

I give you my permission.

Go. 

Go now.

Shoo.

***

Okay! They’re gone!

Cue gangstery voice.

Okay, Smith. ‘S just you’n’me now.

End gangstery voice.

(It’s fine. With them gone, I can write badly. Wow, how very liberating!)

So. Keely. I believe I have an apology to make. For making you cry about the koalas. And that other thing.     

Now, to business.

Nice Things I Should  Say to Keely While Trying Not to Laugh:

  1. “Wow, your hair looks really nice and non-frizzy today!”
  2. ” My gosh, you’re working really fast today! Those barely complicated maths problems are simply flying off the page!”
  3. “Omigod, did you see ****** this weekend? Yeah! Yeah! Wasn’t ****** gorgeous!?” Girlish, frivolous giggle times a million.  
  4. “Nah, I was lying about the koalas, honest!”
  5. “Now, let me listen to all your boy problems without laughing or making snarky comments even once!”

Nice Things I Should Say to Keely Through Gritted Teeth:

  1. “Never Shout Never are amaaaaaazing! Gurgle gurle lovely hair blah blah Christopher Drew urgle burgle adorable blah blah fangirly squeal moustache slight internal vomit ha ha slight internal scream.”  

Actually, this last one might be a bit too hard, so you’ll excuse me if I don’t carry this one out.

Reasons Why I Should  Be Nice to Keely

  1. Because she wants to bury herself in a hole.
  2. Because I made her kind-of cry about koala guts and guitars.
  3. Because when she started to blub, I asked her if she had any allergies because her eyes were swelling up.    
  4. Because I mildly insult her taste in music at every possible opportunity.
  5. Because I can’t just leave her to Nicola for consolation.  Nicola will not only zombify her with motivational speeches but make her totally dependent on men.

So, my apologies, Keely. May I never have to do this again.

P.S. Internet Generic-Truncated-Cone-Shaped-Caramel-Filled-Chocolate? I can go one up.

There ya go. A packet of Internet rolos.

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4 Responses to “Grovel, Grovel”

  1. musiclover19 November 14, 2010 at 9:43 pm #

    Aaaawhh!!!!!! thank you!!!!! and well done for 2 things (the second being only slightly sarcastic) 1 that toke a lot for you to do that so well done, and 2, u made me cry again!!!!! mostly from laughing, which made my mum ask why i was crying so i had to half explain the koala talk!
    so, all in all, thank you! XD

  2. foodest November 17, 2010 at 8:58 am #

    Rolos are really, realy delicious.

    You have an interesting relationship with your friends, Josie.

  3. musiclover19 November 24, 2010 at 9:38 pm #

    You have no idea….

    • EricDoesNotExist November 25, 2010 at 8:37 pm #

      Yeah, no idea whatsoever…
      The ‘Koala Talk’ will go down in history, for sure.

      And, yup, you’re totally right, foody. I could eat buckets and buckets of rolos. They’re great eaten on the bus in the rain on an awful friday afternoon. Which is what I do frequently.

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