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Spring Has Sprung… And It’s Horrible.

25 Mar



See? This is what you did to bunny!

Hallelujah, the birdies and bunnies are flapping and hopping, flowers are bursting on the trees, brighter than fairy lights or bronze-coloured autumn leaves. The grass is greener, shafts of sun slide though open windows and puddle like butter on the dun-coloured carpets. Spring has arrived and, frankly, it sucks.

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Daily Post?

9 Jan

Letters

I am overcome with sadness annoyance at the new WordPress initiative, The Daily Post. It seems to advocate a noble sentiment: keeping your blog and your readers happy and satisisfied with a post a day.

Hmph.

I thought writing blog posts were something you did when the mood took you, or when you felt you had an unquashable need to pollute the internet with your incessant ramblings. Or maybe that last one’s just me.  Anyhow, I thought that blogging was supposed to be fun. I suppose that if you blog for work, or for a living, it is  maybe necessary to write a post a day. But somehow, I feel that WordPress are being almost militant about the whole thing.

A noble cause it may be (advocating stamina, strength of mind and creativity, as much as it pains me to admit it), but I find that feels too much like hard work.* Especially when the thing I’m putting so much effort into is something I started for fun.

And you know what happens when you put too much work into something, don’t you? You go from liking it to despising it. You start off utterly committed, but end up sick of the sight of whatever you’re trying so hard at. I don’t really want to post my blog to corruption, because I happen to really like blogging. And I don’t really want to not like doing it.**

Another thing that annoys me about The Daily Post is that it basically does the same thing as the fantastic Plinky Prompts.

Hark, an example. 

Oh, and one more point: if I did indeed write a post a day, I would become a slave to the laptop, my fingers prematurely arthritic and swollen. You would all run, screaming: ‘no more, posts, Josie! No more!’

Which is a lose-lose situation for both of us.

*Wow, I sound lazy here. But then, I am. Take that, WordPress. Hurrah for lazy bloggers!

**Barg.

Aaargh, Christmas!

18 Dec

Previously unpublished post – 15th November 2010

I love Christmas, I really do. On about the tenth of December something just goes PING! inside me, and from that moment on, I have an unquashable urge to wear Santa hats, eat mince pies and wander around town with mittens and candles, singing carols.

But it’s November right now. Moustaches are still in (‘Movember’ is possibly one of the most awesome charity initiatives ever, right?), it’s cold, but not December cold* and Christmas songs are playing on the radio.

Can you see the anomaly here?

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David Bowie, I Love You

5 Dec

I’m in love with David Bowie.

No, wait. Listen, I’m not a crazy stalker fan who kisses a poster of his face every night before I go to bed, it’s just that I… well, actually, no. It’s just a kind of diluted version of the aforementioned crazy fandom.

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Well Done, Weather (or: Bloody Snow and Replacement Rail Services!)

30 Nov

Look. That's what happens. A train station. A train station!

Nicely done, British Weather. I have but one criticism.

YOU’RE A WHOLE MONTH TOO EARLY!

Okay? So it was only one mistake.

But it was a pre-e-e-e-ty big one.

Why? Well, I’ll tell you, just in case you don’t know. Because Britain totally grinds to a halt in any kind of sub-zero precipitation. Including snow. Especially snow.

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Why Won’t You Comment?

28 Oct

 

Comment is free! So why don't any of you guys do it?

If you know who this guy is– Charles Prestwich Scott– , in relation to comments, unaided by google or any other search engine, you get a very awesome prize. GO!

Ah, the comment. My heart leaps every time I see that text-box at the bottom of a web page, a blank canvas ready for me to say exactly what I think. And I do. Frequently.

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Sexy Stats (and Various Other Sexy Things. Or not.)

17 Oct

WordPress bloggong staff. You disappoint me.

Look at this.

Look away, children! *faints from all the sexiness*

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Self Like-age

2 Oct

I like this comic. But do I 'Like' it?

Okay, Mr WordPress. Answer me this.

WHY let people ‘Like’ their own posts? Just… why?

Me and my crazy, jerky, tired, decrepit mouse just can’t cope. And when my crazy, jerky, tired, decrepit mouse gets really annoyed with life and goes on the rampage, it does its own thing. It runs and gambols around my computer screen like a new-born lamb or an 80-year-old on acid. It is TOTALLY UNCONTROLLABLE.

So there is nothing to stop it from defying the laws of nature and ‘like’-ing a post that it itself helped create.

WordPress, for the sake of my sanity, I implore you! Do a weeny bit of extra coding– it won’t be too much stress, I promise– and GET THE LIKE BUTTON TAKEN OFF OF ALL MY POSTS.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


The Best Droolage On The Web.

1 Oct

Pavlov’s dogs never drooled as much.  The salivary acinar cells have never been worked so hard.

The reason?

Ah, you’ll never guess.

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I Hate You 5

28 Jul

DISCLAIMER: It’s that time again. Any fans of NSN, please disregard the disgruntled criticism and enjoy the video. If you read this, I may have to eat you, before you light your torches and pick up your pitchforks.

Okay?

***

…I love you one, a two, a three shoobee-doo
I love you four, that’s more than I can afford
And I can tell some day that I’m gunna’ say the truth
I love you five

Oh. My God.

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