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Moustaches Make Everything Better

24 Jan
This guy got it goin’ on. Whatever ‘it’ is. Or whatever.

BEFORE WE BEGIN:A tiny qualm. (I like that word. Qualm.) My computer browser insists… no, postulates that ‘moustaches’ is spelt without the ‘o’.

No is my answer.

‘Mustaches’.

Urgh.

No.

Anyway.

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Look At This Cool Thing I Found!

4 Oct

Just watch, for chrissake.

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The Best Droolage On The Web.

1 Oct

Pavlov’s dogs never drooled as much.  The salivary acinar cells have never been worked so hard.

The reason?

Ah, you’ll never guess.

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No Keely, Just Ninja Face

26 Sep

He's the daddy... maybe.

Well then.

Ninja Face, as introduced in my last post, is of unknown origins, unfortunately. The very closest I can get, short of genetic testing (but I guess that it wouldn’t work on wool), is the lovechild of a Chuck Norris and a cybernetically implanted ninja. So, therefore,  Ninja Face comes in-between Chuck Norris and ninjas on the Scale of Pwnage.

Oh.

Have i not introduced the Scale of Pwnage?

No?

Okay.

The Scale of Pwnage

  1. GOD (aka Thor, Allah, Zeus, Jupiter, Osiris, The Fling Spaghetti Monster, Suzumiya Haruhi, et cetera)
  2. Chuck Norris (obviously)
  3. Ninjas (… and here’s an extra sadly lame joke. What is a ninja’s ‘s favourite drink? Wataaaahhh! Get it? Yeah! Funny? Um, no.
  4. Pirates (did you know that it was Talk Like a Pirate Day last weekend? Aw, I should have written a commemorative post…)
  5. Robot Pirates ( either cybernetically implanted pirates or robots programmed only to steal, rape and plunder)
  6. Robots
  7. Intergalactic Kung-Fu Zombies (GO!)
  8. 80’s superheroes (if they have their own awesome theme music, it bumps them up half a place.
  9. The Baka Rangers (Ike!)

Note: Could a cybernetically augmented ninja pirate ever out-rank God on the Pwnage Scale? Answer: No. God is infinitely pwnsome.

His name is Ninja face. Please get it now.

Ninja Face is pretty much the most awesome thing in the universe within a fairly close proximity to me. I will try to explain him as best I can, but i think i will have to do this in the simplest way possible, seeing as his highly enigmatic personality forcefield has slightly addled my brain.

The Insultingly Simple Ninja Face Fact-File

Name: Well, excuse me. This thing may be insultingly simple, but that’s just kicking ’em while they’re down.

Age: Almost about two months, maybe.

Interests: Nunchucks, shurikens, cowboy films, staring contests, hide-and-seek

Occupation(s): Investment Banker, Experimental Photographer, Martial Arts Expert

Dislikes: Pirates, superheroes, permanent markers, amigurumi, Keely Smith, candyfloss, polar bears.

Quote: “Unnnyaaaaaa~”

Additional comments: We’re not quite sure how he pronounces the little wavy thing at the end.

*

And now I realise I unfortunately did mention Keely in this post. Oh well. Some things just can’t be avoided, even if you creep around them like the plague.  Not that Keely is the plague, just  severely annoying. In the nicest possible way, of course.

Ian Hislop

3 Aug

I like Ian Hislop.

He’s (apparently) Britain’s 67th most powerful man (according to GQ magazine).

He’s very funny.

He features on one of my favourite satirical political panel shows.*

He’s got the job (kinda) that I want, eventually***.

But that’s not why I like him.

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Best Things Ever of The Week Ever of The Week #2

29 Jul

Yaaay! It’s time for *add internety epic movie guy voice* Part Two.

5. Food Porn

I can pretty much sum this up with two very useful examples.

Example 1: M&S Adverts

Note the oh-so-sexy voice* and the suggestive pauses (“Three bean salad… and wild rocket… with chargrilled tuna steak…”)  , the slo-mo effect, the smoochy lounge music.

Seriously, if M&S food really looked like that, I would buy all my meals from there.

Example 2: The Hummingbird Bakery

Oh god, it's so... so...

I don’t really think I should have to say much about this, just that most of the entries on this list are based around cupcakes. And that their website is equally as scrumptious. :3

The point of food porn is that it makes you salivate, and then go out and buy things. Which is okay with me.

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Best Things Ever of The Week of This Week #1

18 Jul

Well that’s a kind of, um, overblown title. But it’s basically  true. I’ve decided to compile a best Things Ever Of The Week of This Week list because, mainly, I’m feeling more awesome than Stephen Blum* (and if you get this reference (Sarah) then, well, your’e groovy. But don’t get inflated disco bell bottom flares about it, ‘kay?)

So.

Yes.

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New Stuff and… Stuff

5 Jul

Today, I will:

…play you a new song.

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Things I Like: Cousins

15 Jun

I like cousins.

*

That is to say, I like ‘Cousins’ by Vampire Weekend.

Not my actual cousins. Though I do love you, if you’re reading.*

*

Yeah, well anyway! Cousins. Yes. Look. Just listen. And watch. You’ll get what I mean.

So.

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“…Like A Hundred Million Hotdogs, Sir.”

13 Jun

I love Eddie Izzard. In all his transvestite-sparkly-dressed-tight-leather-trousered-lipsticked-and-eyelinered glory.  He’s just pretty awesome.

Eddie Izzard

Mr Izzard himself.

“Transvestite is male tomboy, not, repeat,  NOT drag queen. Gay men have pretty much got that covered.”

Eddie Izzard

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