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Daily Post?

9 Jan

Letters

I am overcome with sadness annoyance at the new WordPress initiative, The Daily Post. It seems to advocate a noble sentiment: keeping your blog and your readers happy and satisisfied with a post a day.

Hmph.

I thought writing blog posts were something you did when the mood took you, or when you felt you had an unquashable need to pollute the internet with your incessant ramblings. Or maybe that last one’s just me.  Anyhow, I thought that blogging was supposed to be fun. I suppose that if you blog for work, or for a living, it is  maybe necessary to write a post a day. But somehow, I feel that WordPress are being almost militant about the whole thing.

A noble cause it may be (advocating stamina, strength of mind and creativity, as much as it pains me to admit it), but I find that feels too much like hard work.* Especially when the thing I’m putting so much effort into is something I started for fun.

And you know what happens when you put too much work into something, don’t you? You go from liking it to despising it. You start off utterly committed, but end up sick of the sight of whatever you’re trying so hard at. I don’t really want to post my blog to corruption, because I happen to really like blogging. And I don’t really want to not like doing it.**

Another thing that annoys me about The Daily Post is that it basically does the same thing as the fantastic Plinky Prompts.

Hark, an example. 

Oh, and one more point: if I did indeed write a post a day, I would become a slave to the laptop, my fingers prematurely arthritic and swollen. You would all run, screaming: ‘no more, posts, Josie! No more!’

Which is a lose-lose situation for both of us.

*Wow, I sound lazy here. But then, I am. Take that, WordPress. Hurrah for lazy bloggers!

**Barg.

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Sundays are Stressful

9 Jan

Nasty cat !

I'm very stressed. Why? It's a Sunday, and Sundays are stressful because of the Mondays that follow them. A Sunday is an extension of a Monday in that everything you do on Sunday has repercussions (or should that just be percussions? I like that word, 'percussions') on Monday. Stay up late reading on Sunday and you'll be falling asleep like a cat– that is to say, inconvenuently and in odd positions– on the day that follows. Eat too many pretzels and you'll be stalked by cravings. Spend too much time blogging? Your fingers will be sore and stiff.

I have been typing for six hours solid. I have eaten seven eighths of a kilo of pretzels. It's 4am.

Another reason why Sundays are stressful is that they trick you into believing that they're another day off. They're not. You spend a glorious Saturday pottering and doodling and relaxing. And then you realise you have stuff. Stuff that's clogging up your life and need urgently doing. 'S'alright,' you tell youself sleepily. 'Y've go' a whole other day…' But you don't. Sunday is so clogged up with obligatory duties that you have barely an minute to do the things that really need doing. Like watching TV. And reading. And… oh God… and HOMEWORK.

That's why I'm stressed at the moment. Because Sunday is a lying cheat of a day.

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Well Done, Weather (or: Bloody Snow and Replacement Rail Services!)

30 Nov

Look. That's what happens. A train station. A train station!

Nicely done, British Weather. I have but one criticism.

YOU’RE A WHOLE MONTH TOO EARLY!

Okay? So it was only one mistake.

But it was a pre-e-e-e-ty big one.

Why? Well, I’ll tell you, just in case you don’t know. Because Britain totally grinds to a halt in any kind of sub-zero precipitation. Including snow. Especially snow.

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No Keely, Just Ninja Face

26 Sep

He's the daddy... maybe.

Well then.

Ninja Face, as introduced in my last post, is of unknown origins, unfortunately. The very closest I can get, short of genetic testing (but I guess that it wouldn’t work on wool), is the lovechild of a Chuck Norris and a cybernetically implanted ninja. So, therefore,  Ninja Face comes in-between Chuck Norris and ninjas on the Scale of Pwnage.

Oh.

Have i not introduced the Scale of Pwnage?

No?

Okay.

The Scale of Pwnage

  1. GOD (aka Thor, Allah, Zeus, Jupiter, Osiris, The Fling Spaghetti Monster, Suzumiya Haruhi, et cetera)
  2. Chuck Norris (obviously)
  3. Ninjas (… and here’s an extra sadly lame joke. What is a ninja’s ‘s favourite drink? Wataaaahhh! Get it? Yeah! Funny? Um, no.
  4. Pirates (did you know that it was Talk Like a Pirate Day last weekend? Aw, I should have written a commemorative post…)
  5. Robot Pirates ( either cybernetically implanted pirates or robots programmed only to steal, rape and plunder)
  6. Robots
  7. Intergalactic Kung-Fu Zombies (GO!)
  8. 80’s superheroes (if they have their own awesome theme music, it bumps them up half a place.
  9. The Baka Rangers (Ike!)

Note: Could a cybernetically augmented ninja pirate ever out-rank God on the Pwnage Scale? Answer: No. God is infinitely pwnsome.

His name is Ninja face. Please get it now.

Ninja Face is pretty much the most awesome thing in the universe within a fairly close proximity to me. I will try to explain him as best I can, but i think i will have to do this in the simplest way possible, seeing as his highly enigmatic personality forcefield has slightly addled my brain.

The Insultingly Simple Ninja Face Fact-File

Name: Well, excuse me. This thing may be insultingly simple, but that’s just kicking ’em while they’re down.

Age: Almost about two months, maybe.

Interests: Nunchucks, shurikens, cowboy films, staring contests, hide-and-seek

Occupation(s): Investment Banker, Experimental Photographer, Martial Arts Expert

Dislikes: Pirates, superheroes, permanent markers, amigurumi, Keely Smith, candyfloss, polar bears.

Quote: “Unnnyaaaaaa~”

Additional comments: We’re not quite sure how he pronounces the little wavy thing at the end.

*

And now I realise I unfortunately did mention Keely in this post. Oh well. Some things just can’t be avoided, even if you creep around them like the plague.  Not that Keely is the plague, just  severely annoying. In the nicest possible way, of course.

Woe

17 Jun

Oh dear.

“Woe (n.) Deep distress or misery as from grief, wretchedness, dismay. Often associated with the fact that your blog got 40 more views a week (and two days) ago than today. ”

Woe (interj.) Expression of sorrow or distress, eg. “Woe is me! I’m useless and I look at my pageviews every day!” or something to that effect.”

Views. There are but two. Oh, woe, woe is me.

Does this not evoke the poignant image of those poor, forgotten socks?

P.S. I feel that I may have to link to the Eskimo Woe web-comics.
(They’re vair funny. But explicit. You have been warned.)

Aw. He looks so saaad.
This is how I feel. Like a sad, sad eskimo.

http://www.abeautifulrevolution.com/

AUGH!

10 May

I do give up. After at least an hour’s worth of attempts to make my blog look kind of nice, everything disappeared.

I GIVE UP.

10 on the Yui-ometer. Complete shocked stunned-ness. Totally uncomprehending.

*

I think I just died.

Abrupt

1 May

“ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon- shot and the departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson beautifully said of another author’s ideas that they were “concatenated without abruption.”

I now realise, after reading those words that I posted on the 27th April,  that I was abrupt. And by a little, I mean a lot.

Do any of you, my dear readers (not that I have any, at this point) know who I am, or why I started this crazy little ranty-moany-thingy? No, of course not. Do any of you know what my favourite item of clothing, book, or webcomic is?

Well?

Do you?

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Vanity

27 Apr

Blagofaire

All bloggers are vain...but not all of them wear red capes.

“Breathe. Know that the Internet has no eraser.” Liz Strauss

The Internet has no eraser. Anything that you post can be found again, no matter how many times you edit, delete or try to cover up. Scary, no?

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