Sexy Stats (and Various Other Sexy Things. Or not.)

17 Oct

WordPress bloggong staff. You disappoint me.

Look at this.

Look away, children! *faints from all the sexiness*

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Look At This Cool Thing I Found!

4 Oct

Just watch, for chrissake.

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Self Like-age

2 Oct

I like this comic. But do I 'Like' it?

Okay, Mr WordPress. Answer me this.

WHY let people ‘Like’ their own posts? Just… why?

Me and my crazy, jerky, tired, decrepit mouse just can’t cope. And when my crazy, jerky, tired, decrepit mouse gets really annoyed with life and goes on the rampage, it does its own thing. It runs and gambols around my computer screen like a new-born lamb or an 80-year-old on acid. It is TOTALLY UNCONTROLLABLE.

So there is nothing to stop it from defying the laws of nature and ‘like’-ing a post that it itself helped create.

WordPress, for the sake of my sanity, I implore you! Do a weeny bit of extra coding– it won’t be too much stress, I promise– and GET THE LIKE BUTTON TAKEN OFF OF ALL MY POSTS.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


The Best Droolage On The Web.

1 Oct

Pavlov’s dogs never drooled as much.  The salivary acinar cells have never been worked so hard.

The reason?

Ah, you’ll never guess.

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No Keely, Just Ninja Face

26 Sep

He's the daddy... maybe.

Well then.

Ninja Face, as introduced in my last post, is of unknown origins, unfortunately. The very closest I can get, short of genetic testing (but I guess that it wouldn’t work on wool), is the lovechild of a Chuck Norris and a cybernetically implanted ninja. So, therefore,  Ninja Face comes in-between Chuck Norris and ninjas on the Scale of Pwnage.

Oh.

Have i not introduced the Scale of Pwnage?

No?

Okay.

The Scale of Pwnage

  1. GOD (aka Thor, Allah, Zeus, Jupiter, Osiris, The Fling Spaghetti Monster, Suzumiya Haruhi, et cetera)
  2. Chuck Norris (obviously)
  3. Ninjas (… and here’s an extra sadly lame joke. What is a ninja’s ‘s favourite drink? Wataaaahhh! Get it? Yeah! Funny? Um, no.
  4. Pirates (did you know that it was Talk Like a Pirate Day last weekend? Aw, I should have written a commemorative post…)
  5. Robot Pirates ( either cybernetically implanted pirates or robots programmed only to steal, rape and plunder)
  6. Robots
  7. Intergalactic Kung-Fu Zombies (GO!)
  8. 80’s superheroes (if they have their own awesome theme music, it bumps them up half a place.
  9. The Baka Rangers (Ike!)

Note: Could a cybernetically augmented ninja pirate ever out-rank God on the Pwnage Scale? Answer: No. God is infinitely pwnsome.

His name is Ninja face. Please get it now.

Ninja Face is pretty much the most awesome thing in the universe within a fairly close proximity to me. I will try to explain him as best I can, but i think i will have to do this in the simplest way possible, seeing as his highly enigmatic personality forcefield has slightly addled my brain.

The Insultingly Simple Ninja Face Fact-File

Name: Well, excuse me. This thing may be insultingly simple, but that’s just kicking ’em while they’re down.

Age: Almost about two months, maybe.

Interests: Nunchucks, shurikens, cowboy films, staring contests, hide-and-seek

Occupation(s): Investment Banker, Experimental Photographer, Martial Arts Expert

Dislikes: Pirates, superheroes, permanent markers, amigurumi, Keely Smith, candyfloss, polar bears.

Quote: “Unnnyaaaaaa~”

Additional comments: We’re not quite sure how he pronounces the little wavy thing at the end.

*

And now I realise I unfortunately did mention Keely in this post. Oh well. Some things just can’t be avoided, even if you creep around them like the plague.  Not that Keely is the plague, just  severely annoying. In the nicest possible way, of course.

Keely and Ninja Face

11 Sep

Hello.

Did you miss me?

His name is Ninja face. You'll get it soon. Maybe.

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Shoes

8 Aug

Shall I give you the good news or the bad news first?

I think I’ll give you the bad news– that’s what people usually say, right? I used to never get that when I was younger. Why have the bad news first? you could have the good news and then ignore the bad because you’re too busy drifting off into a reverie about how you’re going to tell other people the good news.

But, enough of that.

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Ian Hislop

3 Aug

I like Ian Hislop.

He’s (apparently) Britain’s 67th most powerful man (according to GQ magazine).

He’s very funny.

He features on one of my favourite satirical political panel shows.*

He’s got the job (kinda) that I want, eventually***.

But that’s not why I like him.

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Best Things Ever of The Week Ever of The Week #2

29 Jul

Yaaay! It’s time for *add internety epic movie guy voice* Part Two.

5. Food Porn

I can pretty much sum this up with two very useful examples.

Example 1: M&S Adverts

Note the oh-so-sexy voice* and the suggestive pauses (“Three bean salad… and wild rocket… with chargrilled tuna steak…”)  , the slo-mo effect, the smoochy lounge music.

Seriously, if M&S food really looked like that, I would buy all my meals from there.

Example 2: The Hummingbird Bakery

Oh god, it's so... so...

I don’t really think I should have to say much about this, just that most of the entries on this list are based around cupcakes. And that their website is equally as scrumptious. :3

The point of food porn is that it makes you salivate, and then go out and buy things. Which is okay with me.

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On Colds and Strawberry Resurrection.

28 Jul

The best emergency cold cure ever. Honest.

As you may or may not know, I’ve had a cold.  Hands up if you care, everyone!

Yup. Thought so.

Anyway, during my period of absence and illness, I’ve been desperately searching for emergency cold cures.  I tried about sixteen and none of them really worked. But…

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