Tag Archives: rant

David Bowie, I Love You

5 Dec

I’m in love with David Bowie.

No, wait. Listen, I’m not a crazy stalker fan who kisses a poster of his face every night before I go to bed, it’s just that I… well, actually, no. It’s just a kind of diluted version of the aforementioned crazy fandom.

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Well Done, Weather (or: Bloody Snow and Replacement Rail Services!)

30 Nov

Look. That's what happens. A train station. A train station!

Nicely done, British Weather. I have but one criticism.

YOU’RE A WHOLE MONTH TOO EARLY!

Okay? So it was only one mistake.

But it was a pre-e-e-e-ty big one.

Why? Well, I’ll tell you, just in case you don’t know. Because Britain totally grinds to a halt in any kind of sub-zero precipitation. Including snow. Especially snow.

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Why Won’t You Comment?

28 Oct

 

Comment is free! So why don't any of you guys do it?

If you know who this guy is– Charles Prestwich Scott– , in relation to comments, unaided by google or any other search engine, you get a very awesome prize. GO!

Ah, the comment. My heart leaps every time I see that text-box at the bottom of a web page, a blank canvas ready for me to say exactly what I think. And I do. Frequently.

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Self Like-age

2 Oct

I like this comic. But do I 'Like' it?

Okay, Mr WordPress. Answer me this.

WHY let people ‘Like’ their own posts? Just… why?

Me and my crazy, jerky, tired, decrepit mouse just can’t cope. And when my crazy, jerky, tired, decrepit mouse gets really annoyed with life and goes on the rampage, it does its own thing. It runs and gambols around my computer screen like a new-born lamb or an 80-year-old on acid. It is TOTALLY UNCONTROLLABLE.

So there is nothing to stop it from defying the laws of nature and ‘like’-ing a post that it itself helped create.

WordPress, for the sake of my sanity, I implore you! Do a weeny bit of extra coding– it won’t be too much stress, I promise– and GET THE LIKE BUTTON TAKEN OFF OF ALL MY POSTS.

Thank you for your time and consideration.


I Hate You 5

28 Jul

DISCLAIMER: It’s that time again. Any fans of NSN, please disregard the disgruntled criticism and enjoy the video. If you read this, I may have to eat you, before you light your torches and pick up your pitchforks.

Okay?

***

…I love you one, a two, a three shoobee-doo
I love you four, that’s more than I can afford
And I can tell some day that I’m gunna’ say the truth
I love you five

Oh. My God.

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On Boys, Bikes and Mistaken Identity

11 Jul

I am a blogger* and a geek, therefore I have no life.

So, what do I do during the summer holidays when I am on my lonesome (for, due to my nerd-dom, I have no friends)? I ride up and down the canal path near where I live, on my bike.**

First, let me explain about my bike.

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Blogging Is Scary Again.

10 Jul

Oh, I long for the days when I could look at my blog with reckless abandon.

Cute, but I don't really know wh-- oh, I get it now.

Unfortunately, as a four month-old blogger (okay, almost. His birthday is in  17 days), blogging is scary. Take this scenario for instance.

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On Pants and the English Language

27 Jun

Quote of the day:

“I refute you!”                                                                                                                                       Josie Carter

Use this one in an argument. It really works. No one knows quite what to say, so they just dissolve, especially if said in a Simba from The Lion King manner. Another that really works is “Do not mock me, for my words are a matter of pride!

DISCLAIMER: I am about to offend anyone on here who speaks American English. If you indeed do speak American English and are reading this, my advice would be to stop reading. Now. Okay, I put this up. Continue at your own peril!

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A Disgruntled And Moany-ish Letter

25 Jun

Dear Owner of this Blog,

Please shut up. Or at least write about something different. I’m sick and tired of hearing about your internet related woes. Readers aren’t interested! We want romance, murder, excitement and LOTS MORE EPIC MUSIC!

If you don’t write about something else, we will terminate your blog. Okay?

Lots of love,

The Secret Society of WordPress Blog Police (who only write to people who are rubbish)

“Do or die!” — Founder, Sir I. Ama-Humongoustwit. OBE MBE OMG BBQ.

Hash

7 Jun
Hash browns

Not these.

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