Tag Archives: keely

Grovel, Grovel

12 Nov

This post is for Keely, who I mentioned a couple-a times. Mostly in conjunction with Ninja Face.

This post is a grovelly-apology post, it pains me to tell you. So, due to shockingly bow-ily, scrape-ily, forelock-tug-ily, inside-joke-packed-ily bad writing, I tell you with as much good grace as I can muster: if you’re not interested, you may Clear Orf. 

I give you my permission.

Go. 

Go now.

Shoo.

Continue reading

Advertisements

No Keely, Just Ninja Face

26 Sep

He's the daddy... maybe.

Well then.

Ninja Face, as introduced in my last post, is of unknown origins, unfortunately. The very closest I can get, short of genetic testing (but I guess that it wouldn’t work on wool), is the lovechild of a Chuck Norris and a cybernetically implanted ninja. So, therefore,  Ninja Face comes in-between Chuck Norris and ninjas on the Scale of Pwnage.

Oh.

Have i not introduced the Scale of Pwnage?

No?

Okay.

The Scale of Pwnage

  1. GOD (aka Thor, Allah, Zeus, Jupiter, Osiris, The Fling Spaghetti Monster, Suzumiya Haruhi, et cetera)
  2. Chuck Norris (obviously)
  3. Ninjas (… and here’s an extra sadly lame joke. What is a ninja’s ‘s favourite drink? Wataaaahhh! Get it? Yeah! Funny? Um, no.
  4. Pirates (did you know that it was Talk Like a Pirate Day last weekend? Aw, I should have written a commemorative post…)
  5. Robot Pirates ( either cybernetically implanted pirates or robots programmed only to steal, rape and plunder)
  6. Robots
  7. Intergalactic Kung-Fu Zombies (GO!)
  8. 80’s superheroes (if they have their own awesome theme music, it bumps them up half a place.
  9. The Baka Rangers (Ike!)

Note: Could a cybernetically augmented ninja pirate ever out-rank God on the Pwnage Scale? Answer: No. God is infinitely pwnsome.

His name is Ninja face. Please get it now.

Ninja Face is pretty much the most awesome thing in the universe within a fairly close proximity to me. I will try to explain him as best I can, but i think i will have to do this in the simplest way possible, seeing as his highly enigmatic personality forcefield has slightly addled my brain.

The Insultingly Simple Ninja Face Fact-File

Name: Well, excuse me. This thing may be insultingly simple, but that’s just kicking ’em while they’re down.

Age: Almost about two months, maybe.

Interests: Nunchucks, shurikens, cowboy films, staring contests, hide-and-seek

Occupation(s): Investment Banker, Experimental Photographer, Martial Arts Expert

Dislikes: Pirates, superheroes, permanent markers, amigurumi, Keely Smith, candyfloss, polar bears.

Quote: “Unnnyaaaaaa~”

Additional comments: We’re not quite sure how he pronounces the little wavy thing at the end.

*

And now I realise I unfortunately did mention Keely in this post. Oh well. Some things just can’t be avoided, even if you creep around them like the plague.  Not that Keely is the plague, just  severely annoying. In the nicest possible way, of course.